that I have lost myself.

I don’t write anymore and I think that bothers me.
I don’t have fun like I used to… except at shows :D
I’m starting to miss my past again. I want my grandma to be here. I want my friends to be here. I want to see them every day. 
I often do this.
I haven’t thought about or missed Jonny in a while..
MMMM.
Sometimes I forget how wonderful we were. In theory we were perfect.. but situationally completely wrong. I think I have just forgotten so much. Sometimes I think he still has my heart somewhere. We could be sitting in a room with a piece of string and we could make the most fun out of it. That’s what I miss. I miss laughing. I miss being weird and crazy with someone. I miss that. I miss the love I had for him… I loved him so much. I miss someone ALWAYS being there for me and ALWAYS knowing what to do to make me feel better. I miss coloring in his tattoos. I miss him. I wish I could be reminded of what it was like..

I have been too busy. Even when I have time I just think about everything I have to do. I barely think of myself and what I can do to improve myself. I just sit there. I am just drained. I am just.. not happy. I feel okay but not great. I feel kinda blank too. Fuck. =]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1EDHvkP-yw

I am SOOOOOO SLEEPY! I want to read but I’m too sleeeeepy!!!
I attempted to go home another way and ended up near the Hartford Stage hahah fail! I turned around and came back to school.. good riddance. I like wasting gas and my money too much.
I want to take a nap and cut my nails.
I could be doing something but I REFUSE!! I do not want to do anything.

I hope I get things done soon so I can have real fun instead of sitting and wasting time to avoid things